Living with Chronic Pain
A broken arm, sprained ankle, a fever. Broken wrist, stomach pain, and even migraines. All of these are things that hurt but there is an "end date". A date that you know it will heal, the pain will pass and the agony will end. You can look forward to the pain going away.
But chronic pain is difference and I've lived with chronic pain for 7 years - and I'm only 22 years old. And this is pain that I feel all over. When air pressure changes, my joints ache to the point that I can't type or walk properly. When it rains, it feels like my skin has been burned, raw to the touch. Sleeping in a weird position or even one position for too long means that it will pinch a nerve and I can't even count how many times that I've woken up and lost feeling in my leg. At one point, it was so bad and so sensitive that I lost feeling of my right leg while I was driving (I don't drive anymore).
The knots in my shoulder and back get so tight that they pinch the nerves there too, leading to headaches, migraines, cramped neck; all kinds of pain. And I'm not looking to write a sob story because everybody has their own story to tell. I just wanted to write an open letter to those who don't understand.
Chronic pain, by definition, is any pain that lasts more than 12 weeks. But I think there is a common misconception with the chronic pain: just because it's always there, it doesn't mean that the pain lessons. There isn't "getting used to it". And what's more, it's invisible. People around me, people at work, friends, family - you can't see the pain. Nerve and joint pain, it's invisible to the eye, but very much present to me. It's the neverending monster that won't release me. There's no running from it, there are no escapes.
It takes its toll. It finds its way into my mind and the sense of helplessness. A full grown adult and sometimes I can't even get out of bed to get water. It's the ego that gets hurt. When the pain gets so bad that it's noticeable, I don't want to explain it to coworkers, the long-winding story about how it came to be. The pain is uninvited and unwelcome and there's nothing I can do it make it go away. The only thing I can do it find ways to endure it long enough, for it to die down a little, to make it more manageable.
This is not to say that we are discounting any pain and discomfort that you feel. It doesn't invalidate your migraines and other chronic illnesses. It's just a different struggle, but please understand - sometimes there is no name for it. There's no cause, no reason, no trigger. It just hurts. And it hurts all the time and hurts so much that sometimes I can't do anything but lay on the couch or shake in bed. So please be patient, be understanding, and please please please do not look at me with pity. It's hard enough as it is.
